It's Story Time!!

This is a long post, so get ready for it...

We'll start with tales of the tram.

Tram Tale #1: You have to pay to ride the tram. But it's an honor system, sothe people are just expected to do the right thing and pay up. Usually. Now and then the HTM Controle guys will get on the tram and ask to see your proof ofpayment. If you haven't got one, you have to pay 50 Euros. Sounds harsh, but you have no idea how many people don't pay for the tram every time. Anyways, these guys don't mess around. Sometimes if it's not very crowded, they'll just say, "Did you pay?" and you say, "Yes," and they nod and just watch to make sure you check out. But, the other day, this kid was getting out of the tram just as the control guys were getting on. This is what happened:

HTM guy: (to the kid) Can I seeyour proof of payment?

Kid: Yeah, yeah, it's okay. *tries to get off tram*

HTM guy: *stands in his way* Alright, let me see it then.

Kid: No, no, I payed, I'm getting out *tries to get off again*

HTM guy: Show it to me!

Kid: Mister! Calm down, calm down!

HTM guy: *grabs kids shoulders* Show it to me! Show me that you payed!

Kid: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! Mister, please! NO! NO!

Then the HTM guy grabbed him off the tram and the rest of us went on our merry way. But I can assure you, everyone payed to ride THAT tram.

Tram Tale #2: If you don't have anything nice to think, then you're better off not thinking out loud. Because the person next to you will hear you. And remember your face. And you will see that person again in Central Station. And they will ask you if you want to fight. Just sayin'. Think nice thoughts. Or at least keep your thoughts in your head.

Tram Tale #3: You might think you know what a typical tram conductor looks like, but you're wrong. There is no such thing as a typical tram conductor. I have seen everyone from Mrs. Doubtfire to Santa to Jennifer Coolidge. If you aren't sure who these people are, here are some pictures:

Tram Tale #4: There is a strange man who I have seen twice. Once when I got off the tram at my house and once on the tram on my way to school. He looks like a skeleton and always has white paint on his clothes. But, he could be a painter. I'm sure I have seen other people more than once on the tram too, but I reallyremember this guy.

Well, that's enough about the tram.

I've been playing Sudoku recently. It's fun and keeps my mind working. Haha, actually, sometimes when I play, my mom's voice comes into my head. I'll be looking for a place where a 5 could go, and all of a sudden:

*looks up the row* Noooooooo 5 here....

*looks across the row* ..... Noooooo 5 there either....

*looks in the middle* Oh! There it is!

Hahahah oh, Mommy, I think of you fondly.

And now I will teach you how to be Dutch in a few easy steps, starting from the moment you are born.

0-3 years old: Learn to speak Dutch and figure out that screaming is perfectly acceptable, especially on crowded trams.

4-6: Get a personalized public transportation card become a blooming fashionista. Accept the bike as the second half of your body.

7-11: Start speaking English and get good grades in school, because how you do in school now will determine the rest of your life. But don't forget to watch a lot of TV, too.

12-15: Begin to form your very own identity and become aware of it. Obtain a strange liking for the color orange and soccer.

16-18: Spike your hair and drink 2-3 juice boxes a day. Because we can totally take you seriously then. (Just kidding guys, I think you are all adorable.)

19-22: Get a University education (if that what your 7 year old self decided upon) or get a job.

23-29: Focus on your job.

30-50: Focus on your family.

60-80: Benefit from the generous Dutch government.

81-97: Start wondering just how many slices of bread you've eaten in your life and be thankful for it because you have lived so long.

Well, that was just a brief overview from an outsider, so don't take it too seriously.

Basically my moods here go a little something like this:

But all in all it's going well. Now I have to go prepare a presentation for tomorrow. I have to talk about something from the news and then give my opinion about it. It's just sooo embarrassing because when I start speaking Dutch, everyone in the room shuts up and listens to me. Which you would think would a good thing, but it just makes me nervous and then I make a ton of mistakes and some people laugh. Waaahhh but I don't really care because I will smush, discombobulate, brutally demolish, and in any other way butcher your language before I can get it right, so I guess you'll just have to be patient with me and I'll have to accept that I'm not perfect for the time being. But you know, it's actually fun to laugh at myself because sometimes it's really funny. Like this one time, I tried to say, "It doesn't matter", but I accidentally said, "You don't have to", and I cracked up because I realized what I said. It just wouldn't come out of my throat right, because you have to use your throat a lot in Dutch. But anyways, I have to go figure out how to talk about this article in Dutch. http://en.rian.ru/russia/20101109/161261165.html

Tot ziens,

Emily