cOnFuSiOn

I've just been so confused lately, I don't even know what to write.
I mean, I'm going home in like, 5 weeks.
How crazy.
I get the feeling that I just figured out how to be a good exchange student and now it's basically over.
It's like...
Leaving is going to be hard because of a lot of things.
My friends here are amazing, and I love my host family, and I feel like I still have unfinished business to attend to. Like going out more often or something like that. But Matthias says that looking back and regretting things won't help, because people are who they are and do what they do. He said that if I think I can improve or do better, then I can start tomorrow. "Not right now," he said, "because it's getting kind of late." Hahahaha.
People keep telling me that they're proud of me, and they give me reasons, but I still can't seem to grasp why. I don't feel particularly proud or unproud. I just sort of feel normal.
It's incredible the amount of emotions that have been stuffed into the last 9 months. I've felt depressed, lonely, afraid, worthless, tired, stressed, hopeless, stupid, angry, ashamed, embarrassed, ugly, mean, frustrated, misunderstood, blank, lazy, ignorant, jealous, jittery, powerless, reckless, defeated, homesick, bored, philosophical, enlightened, deep, better, free, powerful, excited, ecstatic, on top of the world, content, unique, strong, happy, peaceful, awesome, pretty, loved, understood, alive, helpful, changed, giddy, inspired, trusted, comfortable, accepting and accepted.
The worst feeling was when I thought life wasn't worth living anymore.
The best feeling was when the people who I thought would leave me didn't.
I've learned to stand up for myself and take charge of my own life.
I've learned that showing compassion is just as wonderful and meaningful as receiving it.
I guess life is just an ongoing process.
Gotta learn, learn, learn, learn, learn and don't ever let your lessons go to waste.
Tot ziens,
Emily

10 Little Things

1. When I bike to school, there are sometimes trucks on the bike path in the shopping center. They're kind of annoying, but I mean I understand and I deal with it. But today, a GIANT car was driving RIGHT behind me on a bike path where normal cars don't even fit, and that was scary!!
2. There's this kid who sings out, "Don't Worry, Be Happy" almost every day in class. It's basically awesome.
3. A girl told me a secret yesterday and I'm glad she trusts me.
4. I told a group of friends something personal today and they said they're glad that I trust them.
5. It was a sunny day today so I sat outside petting the neighbors cat (who thinks that our backyard is his house).
6. Someone next door was practicing flute, which provided for a nice ambiance.
7. I actually put on make-up today and I think I will do that more often.
8. This girl was talking about a play she wants to see this fall, and she was like, "Oh my gosh, we should go together! .... Oh wait.... you won't be here anymore. Nooo! I don't like it that you're going to leave!" That made me feel good and bad at the same time.
9. The school in this music video is the school I go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBDl9NJapz8
10. Somehow, lots of Dutch kids haven't discovered chocolate covered stroopwaffels yet (which are on the top shelf of the cookie aisle in the Albert Heijn, in case you wanted to know). How is this possible!?! They're the most delicious thing ever! My American friend told me about them, and I mean, wow. Well, leave it to the Americans to take a treasured Dutch treat and dip it in chocolate. But seriously - if you live near an Albert Heijn, go try these, you won't regret it.
Tot ziens,
Emily

Really Quick

Okay, so I know that I wrote a blog post earlier today, but I just wanted to say that my bad mood went away.
Also, Go Ask Alice is apparently fictitious, which is really a disappointment... still a good book though. I just don't like being tricked.
I taught Elise how to do vertical addition this evening.
12 +
24 =
36
She gets it, too, which is awesome. I taught someone math! Imagine that.
Which reminds me, someone tutored me in math the other day, and let's just say, learning math never looked better.
Well, I guess that's it for today.
Tot ziens,
Emily

Hello, World

Emily here.
I read a book. It was called Go Ask Alice and it is the real diary of a girl who got involved with drugs when she was 15. It's really good, I mean she is an amazing writer. I almost started crying because of the epilog.
Anyway.
I'm going to read East of Eden pretty soon because I chose that for my philosophy project.
It's like I have so many projects and homework right now but they're all really difficult. I just want to sleep or something.
I got some new shoes. Oxfords. Nice.
I saw a guy today who kinda freaked me out, because he was driving and I was on my bike and it's not like he almost hit me but it was one of those things where we both had to stop and look at each other. Then he did the thing with his hands that means "go ahead" but he also gave me the creepiest look ever, plus he looked like the guy from American Psycho, which didn't really help.
There are baby ducks and stuff hanging out by the lake where I bike by every day on my way to school.
I saw a blue felt tip pen on the ground, which reminded me of my dad.
So my sister is in Ireland right now, helping out on a farm, which is basically AWESOME.
I want to work on a farm.
Uhhh okay so I don't know what I'm supposed to be writing about, because it feels like I just talk about what I do all day, but that's really not very interesting so I'm sort of confused........It's not even like I can tell you everything because this is after all on the internet for everyone to see, so unfortunately you'll never get the whole picture.
My weekend was good. The sleepover with my friends was of course amazing because my friends are amazing, and we ate hamburgers. Disney film night was good, we watched Aladdin, Mulan, The Lion King, and Bambi. We're having a few other film nights soon. Elise's birthday party was also really nice, her friends are pretty cool and it was good weather for playing outside.
What should I do with my few hours before dinner? Watch a movie? Shop online? Read something? Work on a project? Sit and do nothing?
The opportunities are boundless.
Except now I have to clean the kitchen.
By the way I'm not even below sea level because I live near the coast, so really this blog should be called "10 Months at a Fairly Average Height", but that somehow doesn't have the same ring to it.
I sure have been feeling pretty low lately, although that shouldn't really be a big surprise.
7 and a half weeks and I'll be back in Cali.
Until then,
Emmy
Aw crap, that was depressing. Here's something to make up for it:

Bye now.

Uneyedentified Flying Objects

It. Is. HOT.
So I've been biking a lot. Biking is fun. Except when you can't see where you're going. Lately there have been strange things in the air, and my eye is like a magnet for all of them. Leaves, dust, flies - you name it, it's been in my eyes. Sometimes both eyes at once. That really sucks, because you have to blink a lot and then it looks like you're crying, but I'm not about to shout out to the concerned passerby, "It's okay, I'm not upset, there's just about 25 bugs filling every orifice of my face right now."
So someone did something nice for me today. My economy teacher asked me if I understood anything from the lesson and I answered him honestly. So he kept me in during lunch and gave the entire lesson again in English. Then I understood everything, which was awesome, it feels so good to know what's going on!
I took an online quiz about what I should major in in college and it said a foreign language. Just sayin.
Speaking of college, a couple of days ago someone told me that I should be aware of how I act so that I won't drive my roommate crazy. Later that day, one of my friends said that she was talking to some girls and they had agreed that I would be perfect roommate material.
......................
I think I'll just be myself.
She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene.
^ That's from a song. It's playing on my computer right now.
Wow I have like, nothing to say.
Uhm.... I've been doing a lot of online shopping lately. It's my guilty pleasure. That and eating all of Matthias' chocolates. Actually I don't feel guilty about that, so I guess it's still just online shopping. But it's so expensive, so if you know a good clothing company that's sort of cheap, can you send me a link? Thanks. I want to look a little bit nice at college during the winter, but I don't have a pretty coat.
Ooooh it's the 10th. That means that in exactly 2 months I will be back in the sometimes beautiful Los Angeles county!!
This weekend will be fun. Friday I'm hanging out with the two girls who I was with all of last week, then Saturday evening I'm going to a Disney film night with kids from school, and Sunday is Elise's birthday party. I'll give more details about these events later.
Some news that I just received: my sister will also be coming to visit me in July! Cool, the fam and the host fam all in one country. Except for my dog. Who got a really weird haircut, by the way.
I'm hungry and I have to take a shower and clean the kitchen and .... actually not much else, so I'll let you get on with your life now.
Tot ziens,
Em

Keepin' You in the Know

Okay, so I know my blog posts have been less frequent lately, but here is what has been going on...
I have to make this short because I'm at a friend's house right now.
Actually, my school is on vacation right now, and I was sort of planning on going to Paris for a few days, but that didn't work out so actually I've just spent the week chillin with one of my American friends and with the Dutch girl whose house I'm at right now. Basically Queen's Day wasn't all it's cracked up to be. Yes, there was a lot of orange and lots of drunk people, and Amsterdam was super crowded. There were also a ton of people selling stuff on the side of the road. But really, it wasn't like, amazing or something. My friends and I ended up just sitting on the sidewalk talking about our futures. That was after we pushed through masses of people to find a quiet place. Oh, I think I was on the national radio or something like that, because a woman came up to me and was like:
Woman: Can I interview you for the national radio?
Me: Yeah, of course!
Friends: No way.
Woman: Okay, so did you go to Amsterdam for Queen's Day?
Me: Yes.
Woman: What did you do?
Me: Not much, just walked around and saw a lot of things.
Woman: Uh huh. And what was the strangest thing you saw?
Me: Everyone just peeing in public.
Woman: Where are you from?
Me: Los Angeles.
Woman: And people don't do that there?
Me: No way!
Woman: So you're waiting for a train right now?
Me: Yes.
Woman: What time is your train?
Me: 9 o'clock.
Woman: Is it on time?
Me: I hope so.
Woman: Okay, well, thanks. *takes microphone and box thingy with her*
Best. Interview. Ever! Right?
No, not really, but whatever maybe I'm on the radio. In Dutch. Hehehehe.
Uhhh anyways, so one of my American friends was supposed to just spend the night at my house, but it turned into a week long hang out with our other friend where we basically just ate, biked, and watched tv. Which is a pretty awesome week, if you ask me. My friends can cook really well. I can't. Which is why I was the DJ. I set the moooooood y'know? The... cooking .. moood.... whatever. I was important.
*Not really*
But yeah... it was fun. We watched a lot of Modern Family. Like, a lot.
But this weekend I have to do work for school. I have a couple of projects due soon.
Not to mention stuff for college! You'd be surprised at how difficult the roommate questionaires are.
"Which temperature do you prefer? a. cold. b. fairly cold. c. fairly warm. d. warm"
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........
(I know, if I think these questions are hard, I'll never graduate. Boo hoo.)
Anyways, like I said I have to keep this short. We're going to watch some more Modern Family. And eat calamari. Oh yeah. Best. Week. EVER.
Tot ziens,
Emily
PS I biked in my pajamas, which was awesome.