I saw some people pulling their children to school on sleds. I thought that was pretty cool. But kids are heavy, and when you have to do it yourself you realize that. But I liked pulling the kids on sleds, it was nice.
The two-year-old, Anne-Laure, was walking in circles and singing in the kitchen while Carla and I were talking. But then Carla told me to stop talking and she pointed at Anne-Laure. I listened to what she was singing. It was "Happy Birthday" - in English. I had always thought it would be hilarious if one of the kids just randomly started speaking English without knowing it, but I didn't actually think it was possible. So that was a surprise. Turns out she learned the song from her six-year-old sister who is just starting to learn English in school. I wish I had started learning another language when I was six...
Have you ever woken up with your eyes glued shut? I hadn't until this morning. It was weird. Now one of my eyes is pink. But I don't think I have pink eye.
The lady at the chocolate store was mean to me. Well, not really mean, but annoying. She didn't like the fact that I had gone in there "just to have a look." She thought that I ought to be looking for something. Which I was, actually, I just didn't know what it was called, and I didn't feel like asking her because she was so grumpy, so I left without buying anything. To all you store employees - be nice to your customers, because then they will buy stuff. If you're mean, they might hold a grudge and never go to your store again.
Yesterday I spent twelve straight hours on the computer. Granted, a chunk of that time was spent doing college applications, but still. It's a bit pathetic. I watched two movies back to back, which meant staying up until almost four a.m. My internal clock is set for nine hours of sleep, so I woke up at one, with a headache.
Apparently it isn't normal to wear sneakers in the snow.
You know... whenever I write these blog posts I'm usually in a pretty good mood. But I should probably mention that at least once every day I think to myself:
"Why am I still here? I want to go home. I miss America. I'm miserable. This was a waste of time. I had a good thing going for me and now I don't."
Well at least I'm more appreciative of my home, I guess. But this has been going on for the last four months... yes, I've been here for four months and I'm still homesick. I don't think switching schools is going to help anything. I'm still going to be alone. When my host family is here, it's great. I love my host family. But they aren't here all the time, which means I'm just by myself. And maybe that's my own fault, but a lot of things are my own fault.
I guess this sounds pretty depressing, and you probably weren't expecting that. I've come really close to writing a depressing blog post twice, but the first time it didn't save and the second time someone told me to be optimistic so I didn't post it. But I'm going to post this one, because you're here to know how my year abroad is going and I haven't been honest about the fact that I'm usually unhappy yet.
The thing is, I've thought about doing something productive... like working out, reading, researching, cleaning, cooking..... I already do those things, but I could do those things with a lot more enthusiasm back in California, because at least there I have a lot of friends. I really miss my dog, too. I miss his fluffy face. And really random things about my family. Like the way my dad laughs out loud randomly at the breakfast table about a joke he heard two weeks ago and the high pitched voice my mom would always use when she read Dr. Seuss to me as a bed time story. And I miss my sister's eyes.
Oh, stop it, Emily, just keep your head up and stop complaining, you may as well be happy because you're here now so make the most of it.
If you want to hear some good news, I've gotten used to the Netherlands. (This might sound contradictory to what I have previously stated, so please allow me to explain.) I understand people when they speak Dutch. I can speak it pretty well, too. My host mom said that sometimes she forgets that it isn't my native language. My host room feels like my own room. I know how the trams and the trains and the busses work. I know my way around places, and if I don't I can usually figure it out or I just ask someone. I guess this means I have become more independent. That's true. I was sort of forced into that. But that's a good thing. It used to be I was scared to do some things on my own, like call banks and things like that that I wasn't too sure about. Now it just seems like something that I will eventually have to do so I may as well do it now. It helps to be apathetic, sometimes, because then you aren't scared - you just go with it. Things don't always have to be perfect and sometimes sh*t happens, but as the Dutch say, "alles komt goed", or "everything will be alright".
Tot ziens,
Emily
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